*sigh* The Embarrassment of an American

The other day something very interesting happened. I still cringe when thinking about it and am hoping that working it out here will help me get over the embarrassment I felt.

So I popped into the store downstairs with a friend of mine to get some cookies to go with our tea. This is a locally-owned, Kazakh version of a 7-11: open 24 hours, selling all sorts of staples and junk food, as well as booze (by the shot, even) and fruits and veggies. Better than the local Qwikie-Marts in the US, actually, since you can get healthy things.

These three guys are there who speak no Russian and are struggling to purchase beer and Snickers. One guy asks one shopkeeper in English, "Do you speak English?" She looks at him like he's from Mars. He tries another girl. Same response. I took pity on him and in English said to him "I speak English. Tell me what you need and I'll ask the girls for it for you."

After helping them find the strongest available beer (Baltika 9, it's dark and highest alcohol content) and a few other things, I take my leave of the store, wishing them luck in Almaty. As we're heading back to my place, two of the guys run after us and ask if I could translate for them for an engineering conference they're attending. I take down their number and promise to pass them along to my contacts, and they thank me profusely.

Then they ask, "Where are you from?" To which I replied "America."

They glance at one another, hesitate, and then one admits "We're from Iran. But don't worry! We're not terrorists. In fact, we love Americans...." and launch into apologies over who they are and where they come from.

I was so terribly embarrassed. I felt horrible that they felt that they had to apologize for themselves, based on the actions, rhetoric, and policies of the US government. I interrupted his apologies and said "First of all, you have nothing to apologize for. Please know that not every American thinks the same as George Bush. Americans don't believe that every person from the Middle East is a terrorist. Second of all, you are not responsible for the actions of your government, just as I'm not responsible for the actions of mine." And we agreed that governments do really shitty things, with their constituents paying the price. These days, it's a very, very dear price indeed.

It's only within the past 10 years that during my travels I've actually stopped and paused before responding where I'm from. Most of the time I will admit to being an American, but sometimes I will say I'm Macedonian. Usually, it's because I don't want to deal with the inevitable barrage of questions, and of having to provide endless explanations. But more and more, I don't want to admit to it because of the horrible foreign policy choices that the Bush administration has been making these past 7 years. (Though being in the Balkan after Clinton started bombing Serbia was also not a good time to run around shouting "I'm an American!" in some enclaves.) And that, my friends, is sad. I'm actually ashamed to admit to being an American sometimes.

I've been lucky in that 99% of the people I meet are able to separate American foreign policy from me as individual and don't berate me for the things that my government does. That says a lot for the decency of people. It helps that I can start out with "Don't blame me, I voted for Gore/Kerry." Some of the most common questions I've gotten here are:

--How much longer is Bush going to be in office?
--How could the US re-elect Bush?
--Why did you go to Iraq?
--Why don't Americans care about what's going on in the world?
--Why does the US boss everyone around?

Of course, there's always that dichotomy. If people aren't happy with American policies (i.e, the war in Iraq) they are like "Why does America have to stick its nose where it doesn't belong? Why do they have to be the policeman of the world?" But there are people here who are very open about how it's to their benefit that the US is in Afghanistan: It helps bring stability to the Central Asian region, too. So it's a good thing that American is fighting the war against the Taliban--at least to some people.

The other dichotomy is that while America is often seen as the bully in the world political arena, lots of people want a piece of the American pie. The US--for better or for worse--is that mythical place where immigrants can become millionaires, or at least afford homes with running water and heating, and still have some money to send back to help those out at home. The land of milk and honey. The streets are paved in gold.

But the reality for most immigrants is long hours of arduous physical labor, barely at a living wage. And those sending money at home often are living in less than ideal conditions, working multiple jobs, struggling to get by. My mom and I had a talk about how America somehow has become this idealized place for people wishing for better, without realizing that America is far from utopia. And a lot of poor people get sold on this idea, only to face a very cold and harsh reality when they set foot in the USA.

In most of my discussions about America, I end up closing with "In America you will find the best of all possible things, but also the worst of all possible things." I think it's the fairest and truest statement I can make.